Love @ Work Is Not Easily Angered

When I discovered that she hadn’t completed a vital task a couple of months previously, and as a result had seriously jeopardized a multi-million dollar transaction, anger was inevitable. Or was it?

In this case, there was a history. It wasn’t that clearly defined tasks didn’t get done (albeit late). But if thought was needed, or initiative, it seemed “Suzi” (name changed of course) always took the “easy” path – “you didn’t tell me to do that”. How frustrating it was – a senior, experienced person with more knowledge than me, not prepared to think through the implications of what we were doing.

But this time it was really serious. We had taken an action that needed to be carefully documented and recorded, followed to the letter of our agreement with the other party. Now it might all go up in smoke! So my voice started to rise as, incredulously, I repeated back that we really had not completed our part of the deal, even though I thought I had expressly requested it. Yes I was angry and I was getting ready to express it in full force to Suzi. But something held me back: why was I angry?

This anger expressed several things that had been building up over time:

• Disappointment that employees didn’t have the confidence and initiative to explore beyond the letter of instructions – that they wouldn’t take initiative, or realize their potential
• Fear that our deal would unravel
• Fear that I would look bad – that I would have failed – if the deal did unravel
• Frustration that my incomplete knowledge of how such a transaction should work had led to my giving incomplete and somewhat vague instructions
• Guilt that I had not followed up to make sure that everything was completed successfully

In other words, most of my anger had more to do with me than with Suzi. Other than the kind of “righteous anger” that responds on God’s behalf to injustice, I suspect most of our anger has more to do with us than the other person. Our hopes are dashed, or bad memories stirred up; we’re caught in a lie or an error, or blocked from achieving our goals. There are so many reasons. I’ve struggled with anger at different times in my life, and it always has welled up from within me, like acid reflux escaping the lower esophageal sphincter, rather than being externally caused. The acid, it turns out, was already there!

So “love …”, which focuses on the other rather than on us, “is not easily angered” (1 Corinthians 13:5) because the other is not generally the primary source of anger. Except in the cases of true injustice, where our concern is truly for God’s glory or other people’s welfare, anger is not an appropriate response to love. More to the point, when we love, and are focused on the other, we simply aren’t going to get angry. I continue to pray for this grace, to love more and more as Jesus does.

By the way, on this occasion by God’s grace I didn’t explode. A little later there was a “coaching opportunity” as we talked about having the courage and initiative to think through the implications of the whole transaction rather than the specific assigned tasks. But far too many times in the past I have had to go back and apologize, by which time it is too late and the hurt has been inflicted. Love must not be easily angered because anger causes untold damage.