“It’s just not fair – she has everything going for her.” “If only I was as strong as him.” Have you ever had any thoughts like these? I know I have. It just shows how little I love.
The third attribute of love in 1 Corinthians 13:5-8 is that it does not envy. How is this a sign of love? I think it has to do with being prepared to accept the other person – not necessarily in absolute terms, but in relative terms. What do I mean by this? When I see somebody with an amazing intellect, for example, I can admire them and give God glory. At that point I still accept them, and do not lack love (though at that distance I don’t know them well enough to love either). It changes when I am working with them. If, for example, that towering intellect has pushed me off a local team pedestal, so that people start to go to that person for answers instead of me, then the envy will set in.
It’s ironic really – now that we’re working together in a team, I have the opportunity to love. But it is that same closeness, that working relationship, which leads me to the opposite of love – in this case, to envy. If I can’t have that kind of intellect, then I wish the other person didn’t have it either. There are so many things wrong with this attitude, of course. I am denying God’s wisdom in creating each of us with unique gifts, abilities, experiences, and calling. I’m doing this doubly in this case – wishing God had not gifted the other person as He did, and wishing God had not gifted me as He did (in my case second-guessing the attributes God chose for me).
A key element of envy is personal insecurity or dissatisfaction. If I am content with who God has made me to be, then I will not envy. Why would I want to be like somebody else if I’m confident that God knew what He was doing when He made me? (By “made” I’m talking about every aspect of my personality and gifts at birth, my experiences, sufferings, growth, and relationships that have been used by God to shape who I am now). It’s an example of how a precondition to loving others is loving oneself. My reason for envying my intellectual, or physical, or musical, or [fill in the blanks] superior is a lack of love for God’s creation – myself.
This comes out particularly at work. Many of us feel defined by our successes and accomplishments at work. This is so dangerous. We’ve been called by God to the workplace for His Kingdom purposes, not for our personal aggrandizement. Our self-esteem is not ultimately going to be satisfied by our work, but by realizing God’s love for us, His gracious acceptance of us, and His amazing plans for us to serve Him. If we don’t love ourselves, if we are insecure in who we are, or if we look to work for self-fulfillment, then we will be prone to envy. Next time I catch myself envying someone else, I need to bring it before God and acknowledge what is going on. I need forgiveness and healing and God offers both. How about you?
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